You’ve had a really, really long day at work. You meet up with your S.O. You get all clingy and cuddly because you feel horrible – and you want to feel loved.
But instead of hugging you and making you feel better, your S.O. is glued to his phone.
The more you crave his attention – the less you get it.
Then the alarms start going off in your head: Is he texting with someone else? Doesn’t he love me anymore? I knew he was cheating on me – I just knew it!
Right before you know it, there comes the explosion. It’s loud and it’s massive and both of you get hurt. Yikes!
All of that sounds familiar? Don’t worry, that wasn’t necessarily your fault – you simply got emotionally triggered!
Why do we get our emotional triggers pulled in a relationship?
I know what you’re thinking each time a trigger gets pulled – Did I finally lose it?
Nope, you didn’t lose it. See, our biggest insecurities are hiding behind our emotional triggers.
Naturally, when in a relationship, you’re feeling more vulnerable. There are stronger feelings involved. You’re scared of being abandoned, being cheated on – and ultimately, being hurt.
Mix all of those fears together and well… it’s easy to see why pushing our hot buttons is so easy when in a relationship!
Notice how I kept saying “we” up there?
That’s because I’m no exception.
I am a human being as well. I am not perfect. And sometimes, I get my triggers pulled as well.
But after hurting others and myself way too many times, I told myself this has got to stop.
Here’s how to deal with emotional triggers in relationships the same way I did.
1. Know your triggers
Grab a paper and write down all of your triggers. Seriously.
Open yourself up. Be vulnerable. Cry it out if you feel like it. This list is for you and you alone.
Once you’ve got it out of the system, make a digital copy of that paper – and carry it always with you. For me personally, typing it on a computer right away doesn’t have the same effect.
Now, whenever you feel like your blood is boiling, double check that paper. Are you upset about something for a reason – or did you just have your trigger pulled?
2. Talk to your partner
Do you know what’s the secret recipe for a healthy relationship? Communication!
Have you ever told your partner why you’re having strong emotional reactions? If you haven’t, now may be the right time.
Help your partner understand. Is it a childhood trauma? Is it what your high school friends made fun of? Talk calmly – and help them see how you felt at the time.
They deserve to know the truth. And trust me, once you open up, you’ll see how much more supportive they get around you. *and that in return helps your emotional triggers disappear – hah!*
3. Help them understand what you’re asking of them
Sometimes, your partner isn’t giving you what you for one simple reason – they have no clue what you’re asking of them.
No matter whether you’re dating boys or girls – you have to be specific with your requirements. People can’t read other people’s minds!
Do you want attention? Do you want a hug? Do you want to spend more quality time together? Just say so – ask them for it! With clear words, no ambiguity, no nothing.
You’ll be surprised that 99% of the time, you’ll get exactly what you’re asking for.
4. Use humor!
I’m sure you don’t feel like laughing in moments like this.
But don’t fully dismiss the idea of it just yet. Humor is an excellent tool to lighten up the mood a bit.
Make a joke – even if it’s at your own account. Look at everything from another perspective. You’ll feel much better – and much more confident in yourself for having the courage to laugh!
5. Know when to apologize
In the midst of it all, don’t forget that your partner is also a human being – they have feelings as well. And those feelings can get hurt.
If you feel like you overdid it this time, step aside. Take a deep breath – and apologize. It’s that simple really.
Let them know that you’re aware of the problem. Show them you’re working on solving it. Tell them you’re trying hard. Thank them for being there for you – and explain to them just how much they mean to you!
6. Remind yourself of your worth
As I said, your biggest insecurities are often translated as your emotional triggers. But
your emotional triggers do not define who you are as a person.
Remind yourself of your worth. Take the time to meditate – and face your fears.
Work on yourself – and work on your intuition. Use your intuition as a guide to tell you whether one of your triggers got pulled – or you’re upset for a reason.
Feed your soul – and nurture your body. And trust yourself more. The more you love and trust yourself unconditionally, the lesser effect emotional triggers will have on you.
How do you deal with your emotional triggers in relationships? What’s the best way to explain to your partner what you’re going through?
Share with me in the comments and let me know – I can’t wait to hear your stories.
Are you interested in learning more about how to sharpen your intuition?
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